The Only Thing I Got Right

My life, while great and amazing, is a series of unfortunate events and bad decisions. Now, I wouldn't call my life a failure, I am 42, things could change...I mean anything is possible. However, everything I ever tried, failed.

College major, failed. Bachelor's Degree, failed. Hospitality career, failed. Print modeling, failed. Reality TV Star, failed. Acting career, failed. Travel blogger, failed. Influencer, failed. Promotional modeling, failed. Restaurant host, failed. Server, failed. Singer, failed. Retail Sales, failed. Make-up artist, failed. F1 content creator, failed. Foreign Service Officer, failed. Corporate career, failed. Beauty queen, failed. Televison host, failed.

Marshana Ritchie The Bachelor Season 12: London Calling, 2008

You get my point.

Everything I have ever tried to find success in life has ultimately failed. Success has evaded me my entire life! I have tried to find success, but success has never tried to find me. Then I realized I wasn't destined for success, at least the success I wanted, the success I still crave....but there is ONE thing that I got right.

Getting married to my husband and having our son is legitimately the ONLY thing I have ever done right.

The Ritchie-Spavento Wedding Januaury 2020

Honestly, if I had known that this, being a housewife and stay at home mom was the only thing I could get right, I would have pursued this seriously a LOT sooner. However, I was too young, naive, stupid, and immature to have gotten this any sooner than I did. So, I'm grateful and blessed to have gotten this at all. The world said I needed to have a CV as long as my arm, and be accomplished in my own right before I could pursue marriage and family...so, I tried, in vain.

Oh but the world will never make you feel like being a stay at home mom and a housewife is enough. When you meet people for the first time and they ask what you do, and you say that you're a stay a home mom, oh, the judgement is palpable . To them, your brain is mush. You don't have anything offer. You have no career. You have no money. Your education, if you even have one, is useless. You have become obsolete.

To the world, to the friends, to the family, and to the strangers that judge me, I say this...I wanted more for my life. I still want more for my life, but I can't have it. No one allows mom to have any goals or dreams for HER life...because as much as being seen as good ONLY for childcare is frowned upon, I receive much more hate when I dare to do anything without my son.

The constant refrain is "Where's the baby?!"

Luciano Antonio Spavento Born November 14th, 2020

People no longer say hello, or ask how you are, they simply demand that you defend your motherhood by assuring them your child is safe and secure in the care of another capable adult. Oh, and if that capable adult happens to be the child's father, well how could you?! "You don't work. You shouldn't leave the baby with him. He works hard!" Or worse yet, they proclaim "What a great father! He's watching the baby!"

Yeah, three cheers for dad watching his own child!

There really is NO way to win. If I had a career, we would have to pay strangers to raise our son, and I would lose your respect. I'm a stay at home mom, and I still have no respect. I legit cannot win. Yes, I made bad decisions and my life isn't full of tangible accolades that I can so show you to prove that my 42 years have been productive, but I do have one thing, my family.

My family may be the ONLY thing that I have, and I am grateful to have them. I may never have more than them. This is most likely all that I am ever going to get from life...please, just let me have it. At 42, the door has closed on many dreams. My heart is a graveyard of hope and desire that will most likely, never be filled. This family, my family, is the only thing I have ever gotten right...I hope one day, that it will be enough, for everyone, including me.

The Spavento Family February 2023